Monday, 10 March 2014

Parenting : Nurturing right beliefs

Sanjay has had a successful stint with a few real estate companies and had developed appreciable expertise at his work. Then came the day of reckoning and he realized that he wanted to move on to become an entrepreneur. All went off well and with usual teething troubles, he successfully launched his new venture as a real estate broker.
During my recent session with him, he expressed that he sought help and he felt miserable about his relationship with his son with whom he had lost communication over his working career.
While all was being done to channelize him to stay focused on studies including language teaching at home and tuitions at a nearby institute, he was worried about the absence of those willingness signs in his body language.
I engaged with him and his wife on the issue and probed over several sessions about any abnormalities in the environment and nothing surfaced till I had a chat with his son myself, informally. What came out was a chain of causes that had an impact on the way this adolescent lad acted. He was at one of the best schools where his classmates strived for high performances and benchmarks which he did not identify with, his communication with parents was limited to his mother while father was away to work, and his 5 year younger brother received all the attention at home for his age. But this is common in many households and I still wondered why he would get defocused from his studies, till he once mentioned that he doesn’t need to do much as his father is building enough for him to do when he grows up.
 I was amused to hear that and tried digging deeper. I found that these symbolic statements were most frequently discussed at moments of togetherness in the family. Both Sanjay and his wife frequently engaged into these reassuring chats and the son would absorb those with his attentive listening. His drive to achieve on his own effort was getting affected as he believed all friends that he had will have to work hard and that was pointless for him as his future was being 'secured' by his dad.
After four or five sessions, his sons’ belief had to be de-frozen and corrections made with consistent coaching effort. There is dramatic change in his approach in last few months. Sanjay and his wife, now, spend more time discussing their son’s achievements and his future focus more frequently with him as suggested and feel much happier and satisfied.

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