Why do people
refuse help from people who have their best interests in mind? Why do
they continue unhealthy habits that they know will eventually incur permanent
damage?
A good 30-40% of my coaching clients
exhibit this self- inflicting behavior.. The subject of self-destructive behavior
is quite a daunting subject, something dark that lurks in the corners of
existence which we usually train ourselves to overlook.
Don't believe me? Look at all the gluttons outside of office buildings,
or the endless stream of failure stories illustrating the media.
Many might probably suspect deep down that
in some way they may be a self-destructive person. If one may want better
clarification or even confirmation that one is indeed a self-destructive
person, keep reading.
The Dirtiest
Habit Of All
I'm not the first, but I certainly won't be
the last person to admit that I've been (and in some ways still am) a
self-destructive person.
From pushing away people I love, and
housing self-defeating mindsets, to repeatedly self-harming in my teenage years
... I've been down this dark alley more than once. As I've grown,
however, I've realized that self-destructive behaviors are expressions from our
Shadow Selves,
springing from low self-esteem and even self-hatred.
Some speculate that self-sabotaging behaviors could
be coping mechanisms (e.g. for stress, pressure, social demands etc.), others
consider self-destructive behavior as ways of maintaining comfort zones
due to lack of confidence or feelings of unworthiness (e.g. staying at the familiar
bottom of the social ladder).
What symptoms
and habit do self sabotaging people exhibit?
Self-destructive behavior comes in many
guises, some extreme, some not so extreme. But in order to continue to internally evolve and improve your
life (as well as those around you), it's really best if you look at your devils
right in the face. Symptoms and/or habits of self-destructive behavior
include the following:
1. Housing self-defeating mindsets.
This is an
unconscious form of self-destructive behavior because it results in
self-fulfilling prophecies. Examples include thoughts such as: "I'm
going to fail, I just know it", "I'll never get out alive",
"This will completely destroy me", etc.
2. Failing to take action.
This is a
passive symptom, but still self-destructive in nature. When we know
something is bad for us, but fail to take any action or steps to remedy the
issue, we are essentially setting ourselves up for, and guaranteeing,
failure.
3. Over-eating.
A nasty habit
that results in many long-term health issues.
4. Under-eating.
Many
under-eaters fool themselves into thinking they're benefiting themselves.
Truth is that under-eating is usually a band aid for serious self-image and
other psychological issues.
5. Forced incompetence.
This means
portraying oneself as unintelligent or incapable of successfully achieving
something. Forced incompetence usually stems from a lack of confidence in
ones abilities and can function as a coping mechanism, e.g. academically.
6. Going out of your way to harm others.
What goes around
comes around they say, and the negative influence you have on others, whether
by words or deeds, will eventually manifest itself in your own life (e.g.
sicknesses, tragedy, legal issues, isolation).
7. Self-harm.
An
extreme. Self-harm is a sign of self-hatred and is mentally and
physically destructive.
8. Self-pity.
This is an
unconsciously manifested form of self-destructive behavior. Self-pity is
destructive because it encourages us to remain inactive (i.e. wallowing in our
misfortunes), rather than encouraging a proactive approach towards life.
9. Drug and alcohol abuse.
A self-evident
form of destructive behavior, drug and alcohol abuse creates endless misery in
the lives of addicts and their friends and family members.
10. Social suicide.
Not always
committed consciously, social suicide is the act of deliberately alienating
yourself from your peers. This could be through a variety of irritating,
repelling or antisocial behaviors.
11. Hiding from emotions.
Failing to
acknowledge negative (and sometimes positive) emotions creates a host of
mental, emotional and physiological illnesses. This is another form of
unconsciously manifested self-destructive behavior.
12. Refusing to be helped.
Pushing away
advice, refusing to ask help, avoiding counsel ... not wanting to be helped
cries "I don't care about my well-being!" and screams
"self-sabotage!"
13. Unnecessary self-sacrifice.
Some people are in love with their misery
because that is all they have known for a large portion of their lives.
Unnecessary self-sacrifice is a good way of making one feel "noble" and "altruistic" while masking
the actual act of self-sabotage: giving up on hopes, dreams and passions
that make one truly happy.
14. Spending too much.
Whether through
chronic gambling or constant eBay purchases, overspending may seem unusual to
have on this list, but is nevertheless a form of self-destructive behavior that
limits ones freedom and peace of mind.
15. Physical neglect.
Getting poor
sleep, refusing to exercise, eating unhealthy foods, and failing to maintain
the general well-being of your body are all classic signs of self-destructive
behavior.
16. Mental neglect.
Refusing,
avoiding or failing to confront our psychological health issues (e.g. stress,
anxiety, depression, paranoia, OCD, etc.) delays the healing process, resulting
in significant long-term issues.
17. Sabotaging relationships.
This is a
complex one, and involves a large variety of destructive behaviors such as jealousy, possessiveness, emotional
manipulation, neediness, violence and so forth. When we don't feel
worthy of love, we unconsciously manifest this in our relationships through the
way we choose to behave.
The
self-destructive person exhibits both conscious and unconscious behaviors that
sabotage their own health, happiness and long-term fulfillment. It's
important to remember that you're not alone. Like me, you probably can
identify with a couple or even more symptoms and habits on this list. So get
up, ask for help wherever you can get one, begin respecting yourself, as
destruction and post destructive phases are painful enough, and forever.
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