Friday, 22 July 2016

Vital Signs that you may be self sabotaging

Why do people refuse help from people who have their best interests in mind?  Why do they continue unhealthy habits that they know will eventually incur permanent damage?

A good 30-40% of my coaching clients exhibit this self- inflicting behavior..  The subject of self-destructive behavior is quite a daunting subject, something dark that lurks in the corners of existence which we usually train ourselves to overlook.  Don't believe me?  Look at all the gluttons outside of office buildings, or the endless stream of failure stories illustrating the media.

Many might probably suspect deep down that in some way they may be a self-destructive person.  If one may want better clarification or even confirmation that one is indeed a self-destructive person, keep reading.

The Dirtiest Habit Of All

I'm not the first, but I certainly won't be the last person to admit that I've been (and in some ways still am) a self-destructive person.

From pushing away people I love, and housing self-defeating mindsets, to repeatedly self-harming in my teenage years ... I've been down this dark alley more than once.  As I've grown, however, I've realized that self-destructive behaviors are expressions from our Shadow Selves, springing from low self-esteem and even self-hatred.

Some  speculate that self-sabotaging behaviors could be coping mechanisms (e.g. for stress, pressure, social demands etc.), others consider self-destructive behavior as ways of maintaining comfort zones due to lack of confidence or feelings of unworthiness (e.g. staying at the familiar bottom of the social ladder).

What symptoms and habit do self sabotaging people exhibit?

Self-destructive behavior comes in many guises, some extreme, some not so extreme.  But in order to continue to internally evolve and improve your life (as well as those around you), it's really best if you look at your devils right in the face.  Symptoms and/or habits of self-destructive behavior include the following:

1.  Housing self-defeating mindsets.

This is an unconscious form of self-destructive behavior because it results in self-fulfilling prophecies.  Examples include thoughts such as: "I'm going to fail, I just know it", "I'll never get out alive", "This will completely destroy me", etc.

2.  Failing to take action.

This is a passive symptom, but still self-destructive in nature.  When we know something is bad for us, but fail to take any action or steps to remedy the issue, we are essentially setting ourselves up for, and guaranteeing, failure.

3.  Over-eating.

A nasty habit that results in many long-term health issues.

4.  Under-eating.

Many under-eaters fool themselves into thinking they're benefiting themselves.  Truth is that under-eating is usually a band aid for serious self-image and other psychological issues.

5.  Forced incompetence.

This means portraying oneself as unintelligent or incapable of successfully achieving something.  Forced incompetence usually stems from a lack of confidence in ones abilities and can function as a coping mechanism, e.g. academically.

6.  Going out of your way to harm others.

What goes around comes around they say, and the negative influence you have on others, whether by words or deeds, will eventually manifest itself in your own life (e.g. sicknesses, tragedy, legal issues, isolation).

7.  Self-harm.

An extreme.  Self-harm is a sign of self-hatred and is mentally and physically destructive.

8.  Self-pity.

This is an unconsciously manifested form of self-destructive behavior.  Self-pity is destructive because it encourages us to remain inactive (i.e. wallowing in our misfortunes), rather than  encouraging a proactive approach towards life.

9.  Drug and alcohol abuse.

A self-evident form of destructive behavior, drug and alcohol abuse creates endless misery in the lives of addicts and their friends and family members.

10.  Social suicide.

Not always committed consciously, social suicide is the act of deliberately alienating yourself from your peers.  This could be through a variety of irritating, repelling or antisocial behaviors.

11.  Hiding from emotions.

Failing to acknowledge negative (and sometimes positive) emotions creates a host of mental, emotional and physiological illnesses.  This is another form of unconsciously manifested self-destructive behavior.

12.  Refusing to be helped.

Pushing away advice, refusing to ask help, avoiding counsel ... not wanting to be helped cries "I don't care about my well-being!" and screams "self-sabotage!"

13.  Unnecessary self-sacrifice.

Some people are in love with their misery because that is all they have known for a large portion of their lives.  Unnecessary self-sacrifice is a good way of making one feel "noble" and "altruistic" while masking the actual act of self-sabotage: giving up on hopes, dreams and passions that make one truly happy.

14.  Spending too much.

Whether through chronic gambling or constant eBay purchases, overspending may seem unusual to have on this list, but is nevertheless a form of self-destructive behavior that limits ones freedom and peace of mind.

15.  Physical neglect.

Getting poor sleep, refusing to exercise, eating unhealthy foods, and failing to maintain the general well-being of your body are all classic signs of self-destructive behavior.

16.  Mental neglect.

Refusing, avoiding or failing to confront our psychological health issues (e.g. stress, anxiety, depression, paranoia, OCD, etc.) delays the healing process, resulting in significant long-term issues.

17.  Sabotaging relationships.

This is a complex one, and involves a large variety of destructive behaviors such as jealousy, possessiveness, emotional manipulation, neediness, violence and so forth.  When we don't feel worthy of love, we unconsciously manifest this in our relationships through the way we choose to behave.

The self-destructive person exhibits both conscious and unconscious behaviors that sabotage their own health, happiness and long-term fulfillment.  It's important to remember that you're not alone.  Like me, you probably can identify with a couple or even more symptoms and habits on this list. So get up, ask for help wherever you can get one, begin respecting yourself, as destruction and post destructive phases are painful enough, and forever.

Saturday, 16 July 2016

Here is why coaching becomes non negotiable

World economic forum has vetted that workplaces in 2020 will be driven more and more by human skills as technology takes back seat as the core competence in the world full of disruption.

Coaching is the only cognitive learning model that enables and empowers people around these skills as the world around us  becomes increasingly dispassionate and even indifferent.

Visit or call Dr.Alok Purohit to know how coaching can help you in your circumstances.